Being a parent is a huge responsibility. Good parents just want to raise their children well without mishaps. However, it is impossible not to lose patience at some point and yelling may seem to be the only way to make your child understand what you are trying to say. On the contrary, yelling gives the opposite effect on the child. Yelling is one of the most horrible methods to make a child understand the message that you are trying to get across no matter how furious you are. To discipline a child, it is prudent to use the positive parenting method.
Positive Parenting – What is It?
Positive parenting involves implementing positive discipline that entails imposing rules of conduct on your child while being respectful and calm. Instead of punishing your child for displaying bad behavior, you can persuade your child to learn the positive behavior that you want to impose using positive reinforcement techniques.
Understand that ignoring the bad behavior of your child is not a part of positive parenting. You need to provide your child with tools that can help him recognize on his own that he is behaving inappropriately and must change his behavior into something acceptable by social norms. Children can conduct themselves in good behavior when their parents can teach them the proper way to do it. Parents need to establish some rational limits for their children and give guidance within the limits while coaching them how to act with good manners in situations where they might show inappropriate behavior.
Don’t let yelling become a part of your regular routine each day. It may seem to take a great deal of effort to discipline a child without yelling during stressful or busy times, but it can do some good to your child and you.
If you want to discipline your child without the need to yell, you can adopt the following positive parenting tips and techniques.
Tips and Techniques on Disciplining Your Child without Yelling
To gain success in following the positive parenting technique, you need to make sure that your child clearly understood the rules and expectations. You need to point out each rule to your child and make sure that it is clear. That way, your child knows exactly what to expect. Assign a consequence for each rule that your child did not follow. Try to come up with simple and easy rules and enforce them strictly and consistently to make it easier for your child to fulfill your expectations regarding his behavior. You can use visuals to help your child remember the rules to obey.
Take a look at the following:
1. Take time to analyze the situation.
Before reacting to your child’s misbehavior, you need to have a moment of silence to analyze the current situation to avoid yelling and provide the most appropriate reaction. You may want a short break to gather your thoughts and give yourself a chance to calm down.
During the break, recall the event that transpired and possible reasons for the poor behavior of your child. You need to know whether there was something that overwhelmed your child. It is also possible that your child only wants to get your attention.
Staying silent for a while, instead of yelling to your child right away when you are angry, will do good for both of you. The hurtful words that you might throw at your child are impossible to erase in his memories once he heard them.
Agreeing to your child’s demands just to preserve the peace and tranquility of your home is not really helping. The same goes for inflicting punishment. Not saying anything for a moment is a wise choice, and it can help you think about the best way to approach your child without inflicting any harm to him.
2. Keep your rationality and remain calm.
You may encounter situations that may drive you to your limits and having a short break may not be enough to calm yourself and preserve your level-headedness. Exercising good self-control will benefit you and your child. Parents are the role models of their children. When you show appropriate behavior in front of your child, he will remember it and carry it with him in his adulthood. This can help him turn into a responsible, rational adult later and even remember the practical anger management skills that he picked from you.
Telling your child that you are angry at the moment and need a 20-minute break before you respond to him can help your child understand the situation and avoid making a scene. Do things to calm yourself down and don’t entertain thoughts that may only add fuel to the fire. You may take a short walk, write in your journal, organize your things, or do some exercises that can calm your nerves. A simple breathing exercise can also help. The break can also help your child to calm down.
3. Have a heart-to-heart discussion with your child.
When everyone has calmed down and ready to talk, you and your child must sit down and have a heart-to-heart discussion. Choose your words carefully when talking to your child. Do not say anything that may put your child in an awkward position. Avoid shaming and blaming your child. You both need to work together and understand the cause of poor display of behavior earlier. Try to resolve the issue by being transparent and employing good communication.
When making an explanation, every word that comes out of your mouth must not create any misunderstanding. You need to talk calmly and respectfully. Remember that respect begets respect. Make sure that your child understands what you are trying to say and uses simple words. Don’t beat around the bush but don’t be too blunt either. You both need to be open and honest during your discussion. It gives your child a chance to admit the reasons for his poor behavior and a chance for you to explain why it is not good to behave in such way. You need to tell your child the things that he can do to avoid the same mistake in the future.
You also need to discuss the kind of solution that you both need to adopt so you both know what you need to do in case the same situation happens again. Ask your child if there were things that upset him before the incident. You may ask your child if you did or said something hurtful to him so you too can avoid repeating the same mistake.
4. Give yourselves a fresh start.
Don’t expect positive parenting to be perfect right off the bat. There may still be times when both of you will lose your cool. The important thing is you learn from experience and avoid committing the same mistakes again and again. Give yourselves a chance to have a fresh start and let bygones be bygones.
Give some room to your child to correct his misbehavior. If both of you are in a bad mood, take a break and walk away from each other for a while to calm your nerves. The next time you see each other again, you can both greet each other again with a warm smile and let go of the past misunderstanding. If you practice this each time you feel like exploding, you will be able to avoid facing a dire situation. Both of you may even take this habit until your child turns into an adult and leave peacefully. You can always end your day in a more positive way.
5. Take advantage of an ABC chart.
According to the Iceberg Model theory, when a child is misbehaving all we can see is the tip of the iceberg. That is to say, you can only see 10 percent of the total iceberg, and a large part of it is hidden in plain sight. The hidden part is composed of different causes of the poor behavior of the child.
Using the ABC (Antecedent-Behavior-Consequence) chart can help you track the events that occurred before and after the display of bad behavior of your child. Take time to list down the ABC for each misbehavior of your child that you need to correct. This is how it goes:
– Under the A section, write down the events that took place before your child started misbehaving.
– Under the B section, write down the reaction or behavior of your child.
– Under the C section, write down the actions that were taken to prevent encountering a similar situation in the future.
You need to identify whether there are consistencies when your child displays that kind of bad behavior so you can come up with the plan to alter the antecedent or the consequence to stop the root cause of the problems.
6. Set house rules.
You need to set clearly defined house rules when you have decided to adopt positive parenting to discipline your child. It will be a life-changing experience for the entire household. You can set six to ten simple house rules that your child should follow every day. Concentrate on the behavior that your child finds difficult to keep under control. Set a rule that can help counter the negative behavior and reinforce the positive one. You may include the following:
– I don’t talk when someone is talking.
– I keep the toys after playing.
– I say “thank you” and “please”.
Post the list somewhere that your child can see easily. A little reward for putting some effort to follow the rules can motivate your child to do his best even more.
7. Use only positive reinforcement and avoid the negative.
When it comes to disciplining a child, positive reinforcement always does wonders. Showing them the charts that track their improvement and giving them rewards for a job well done can motivate them to try harder in improving their behavior.
8. Remember to remain consistent.
Once you set your rewards and punishments, make sure to remain consistent to the very end. Don’t give your child a treat when he displayed poor behavior, and don’t lash out at him when he did nothing wrong. Keep your own behavior in check and make sure to remain consistent all the time.
9. Empower your child.
Offering a child some choices that he can decide for himself freely can give him a feeling that he is respected. This can motivate him even more to do good deeds. You can make him choose a dish at mealtime, what clothes to wear, what house chores to do, and other simple things that he can decide on by himself.
10. Spend quality time with your child at scheduled times
In your busy schedule, try to squeeze some time to spend with your child regularly. He will look forward to that time and may display his best behavior. Spending time with your child can help strengthen your bond as parent and child. Your child will also learn that he does not need to show negative behavior to gain your attention. He knows that you get to spend time with him regularly.
You need to make sure to leave your work behind when spending time with your child. You will not be able to remain focused on your child if you keep thinking about work, and your child can feel that.
Positive parenting and not yelling is the way to go. Your child will grow into a proper adult when you also pose as the most suitable model for your child to follow.